my daughter is outside right now. picking up dog poop. singing "Tell Her About It" by billy joel. seriously, i couldn't make this shit up if i tried. ha ha ha. its good to be home.
clay, me, and chloe v.
tee hee
Monday, June 30, 2008
i made a pond
I've been working on a special project lately. its been a joint-effort, actually. we've been wanting to give Jack a better home. so i finally took charge and did it.
gracias to kurt & brandi for donating the pond insert and the cool filter-fountain thing! jack seems to like it. we've also added 3 pollywogs and a few tiny fish that we caught at sycamore grove. the kids love it too. i am definitely pleased
here's a great spot for a pond! my mom wasn't too stoked on the idea, but i didn't really listen to her cause i knew i could make a sick ass pond..
i, of course, dug the hole:
shadow helped dig too. he loves to dig but he kept digging in the wrong spots. i wonder if you can teach a dog to dig on command... probably.
before:
after:
gracias to kurt & brandi for donating the pond insert and the cool filter-fountain thing! jack seems to like it. we've also added 3 pollywogs and a few tiny fish that we caught at sycamore grove. the kids love it too. i am definitely pleased
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
i'm extreeeemely flattered...
A few weeks ago my brother's friend, Kevin asked if he could interview me for a paper he was working on for college. He told me he was writing a paper on single parenting so I agreed to the interview. Kevin just dropped off a copy of his paper for me to read. here it is:
Faith and Love in Single Parenting
by: Kevin Calhoun
There is a recent television commercial that shows two teenage boys playing soccer in their backyard. A mother cheers whenever one of the boys scores or when the other makes a stop. After a few tries, the narrator, probably one of the soccer-playing teens, says, "I love my life. I don't want to ruin it with a child." What is interesting about this commercial is not that it has a message, but that it displays a message in a manner that is extremely wrong and misrepresented.
If society believe that having children ruins lives, how would people reproduce? The advertisement's position is somewhat arguably important, but it should have been portrayed differently and in a less offensive manner. One role model of mine is Jennifer Sewall. She is a single mom raising two children. And she is the image of what mothers, single or not, should be. She says that her son and daughter have brought her joy and love and have done everything but ruin her life. She supports the idea that love, compassion, and stability are more important in raising a family than having both a mother and a father.
I learned quite a lot while sitting down with Jen and talking. Her daughter, Chloe, played in the backyard while we discussed her life - not just about her raising her children but about her life before. Jen grew up in Pleasanton in a house walking distance from mine. Her brother, Craig, is my best friend. When Jen was eighteen, she had her first child, Clayton. He is nine, now. I asked her how much time she spends with her kids. She wakes Clayton up at 7:30 am. Clayton has matured greatly in the last few months. So,, he basically get ready for school by himself while Jen cooks breakfast. Chloe usually wakes up by herself and eats with her mom and brother. The three live in the same house that Jen and Craig grew up in with their parents, Jeff and Teri. Jen usually drives Clayton to school which starts at 8:15 am. There isn't a set schedule at the Sewall house, so sometimes Craig, Jeff, or Teri help Jen out with the daily routine.
According to the book, One Parent Families: Healing the Hurts, by Howard I. Smith, single parents spend most of their day with their children and get little time for themselves. Single mothers, in particular, spend up to nine hours doing basic duties and tasks that are important to raising their kids. This takes away from personal time: time to work, time to relax, time to study. As statistically accurate as this book may be, Jen has found time to work and raise her two children. Yes, she has an amazing family that helps out a great deal, but that doesn't necessarily mean she can't do it alone. Both Jeff and Teri work as well. So, their time is limited. Craig goes to school in Santa Barbara and has recently gotten back from a four-month program in Thailand. So, until Chloe starts school full-time next year, Jen can only work for two hours four days a week. Her job does not take away from spending time with her two children.
A lot changes a woman when she becomes a mother, especially a single mother. A lot of people stress the strategy of having children after college or when they are in their mid-twenties. Jen had her first child at the age of 17. So, it is fair to say that things changed more for her than of someone older or someone with a fancy college degree. She told me that before she got pregnant, her life was moving in awkward directions and that she was making bad decisions. As many would agree, high school is very tough and, overall, the teenage years can be extremely hard as well. When Jen found out she was pregnant, she stopped making those choices and became a healthier person. She was responsible for another life. So, harming herself would only harm her child. Clayton cured her. Some people might argue that pregnancies ruin plans and destroy futures. But Jen's first child saved her and made her more responsible and caring.
In a particular situation like an unplanned pregnancy, family support is extremely important. In the book, Single Parent Families, by Kriss Kissman and Jo Ann Allen, it is stated that without family support, a young, single parent is "vulnerable to failure." In the entire study on a single parenting, one can probably conclude that this is true. A young mother is a different scenario than one that includes and older, more stable one. The Sewalls have helped out tremendously with Clayton and Chloe. Jen told me, "I couldn't have done it without them."
Jeff, Teri, and Craig help Jen raise the kids. When Jeff is not working and has time to spend with his grandchildren, he coaches Clayton's baseball team. He also drives Chloe to school. Craig spend quality time with Clayton, throwing the baseball around and playing games. He plays with Chloe and babysits while Jen is out or at work. Teri and Jen raised Clayton early on, pretty much by themselves. Craig was younger then and Jeff was working more. So, the two girls' schedules revolved around raising Clayton. Whether with family support or without, with both a mom and a dad or not, all single parents can learn from the hard work and compassion that Craig, Jeff, and Teri gave Jen in the early years of Clayton's and Chloe's lives.
It might be true that children need some kind of male influence in their lives. Many people say that having both a mother and a father is vital in how a child grows up. In his essay, It Takes a Family: Conservatism and the Common Good, Rick Santorum stresses the idea that families can only succeed if they have both a mother and a father. "It is and open and shut case: the best place for kids to grow up is with a happily married mom and dad, " he reasons. "And the more of these families there are in a community, the better it is for everyone." This is just one man's opinion on what families "should" be. According to an article entitled "The Benefits of Living in a Single Parent Family", by Anne Parron, conflict-ridden homes have been shown through research to be the worst living situation for kids. "If the prior two-parent living environment included ongoing conflict, a change to living with only one parent can have a positive effect on the kids such as gradual lessening of anxiety." This article is an obvious rebuttal to the previous essay, but it shows how every theory can have a counterargument. More importantly, this article shows that there are many benefits of single parent families.
Parron continues to describe her views and observations and states, "Kids learn about relationships from observing the adults around them. It is often better for children to see no relationship model when the parents stay together." This particular explanation correlates directly to part of what Jen and I discussed. I asked her if she and Clayton's father had stayed together, would it have been easier to raise the baby? She told me that she was afraid of staying with him for a number of reasons. For example, she was afraid that they would be together under the wrong circumstances. She thought that her age and her own selfishness contributed to not staying together. She feared that staying together would hinder the upbringing of her child.
There are a few options that many women consider after they realize they are pregnant. One controversial issue and option is abortion. Many people argue that a woman should have the right to choose whether she keeps the baby or chooses to abort. There are several things to consider before having an abortion, and there are a lot of arguments that support it. I asked Jen if she considered this particular alternative. She told me that abortion was out of the question. "Life was meant to be," she said. Particular situations contradict this idea, but planned or unplanned, life is meant to be.
Another option on how to handle an unplanned pregnancy is adoption. This is the best alternative to abortion. If a mother simply cannot raise a child, she should consider giving it up for adoption. Of course I can't comprehend the magnitude of that decision, but I am adopted, and my personal views on adoption are extremely positive and joyful. I cannot help but think that my biological mother considered her other options. I'm extremely glad I am here. I know a few other people who might agree.
Speaking with Jen, I learned a great deal about single parenting. And I have never enjoyed the process of writing an essay like I had writing this one. Any type of family can work, even one that has only a mom or a dad. It is time for our society to detach itself from its negative views on single-parent families. We need to realize that love and compassion are what really matter in raising children.. We need to have have faith that single mothers or fathers can accomplish everything that a married couple can. It is harder, of course, but Jennifer Sewall is the greatest example of how it can be done, and it is working.
Faith and Love in Single Parenting
by: Kevin Calhoun
There is a recent television commercial that shows two teenage boys playing soccer in their backyard. A mother cheers whenever one of the boys scores or when the other makes a stop. After a few tries, the narrator, probably one of the soccer-playing teens, says, "I love my life. I don't want to ruin it with a child." What is interesting about this commercial is not that it has a message, but that it displays a message in a manner that is extremely wrong and misrepresented.
If society believe that having children ruins lives, how would people reproduce? The advertisement's position is somewhat arguably important, but it should have been portrayed differently and in a less offensive manner. One role model of mine is Jennifer Sewall. She is a single mom raising two children. And she is the image of what mothers, single or not, should be. She says that her son and daughter have brought her joy and love and have done everything but ruin her life. She supports the idea that love, compassion, and stability are more important in raising a family than having both a mother and a father.
I learned quite a lot while sitting down with Jen and talking. Her daughter, Chloe, played in the backyard while we discussed her life - not just about her raising her children but about her life before. Jen grew up in Pleasanton in a house walking distance from mine. Her brother, Craig, is my best friend. When Jen was eighteen, she had her first child, Clayton. He is nine, now. I asked her how much time she spends with her kids. She wakes Clayton up at 7:30 am. Clayton has matured greatly in the last few months. So,, he basically get ready for school by himself while Jen cooks breakfast. Chloe usually wakes up by herself and eats with her mom and brother. The three live in the same house that Jen and Craig grew up in with their parents, Jeff and Teri. Jen usually drives Clayton to school which starts at 8:15 am. There isn't a set schedule at the Sewall house, so sometimes Craig, Jeff, or Teri help Jen out with the daily routine.
According to the book, One Parent Families: Healing the Hurts, by Howard I. Smith, single parents spend most of their day with their children and get little time for themselves. Single mothers, in particular, spend up to nine hours doing basic duties and tasks that are important to raising their kids. This takes away from personal time: time to work, time to relax, time to study. As statistically accurate as this book may be, Jen has found time to work and raise her two children. Yes, she has an amazing family that helps out a great deal, but that doesn't necessarily mean she can't do it alone. Both Jeff and Teri work as well. So, their time is limited. Craig goes to school in Santa Barbara and has recently gotten back from a four-month program in Thailand. So, until Chloe starts school full-time next year, Jen can only work for two hours four days a week. Her job does not take away from spending time with her two children.
A lot changes a woman when she becomes a mother, especially a single mother. A lot of people stress the strategy of having children after college or when they are in their mid-twenties. Jen had her first child at the age of 17. So, it is fair to say that things changed more for her than of someone older or someone with a fancy college degree. She told me that before she got pregnant, her life was moving in awkward directions and that she was making bad decisions. As many would agree, high school is very tough and, overall, the teenage years can be extremely hard as well. When Jen found out she was pregnant, she stopped making those choices and became a healthier person. She was responsible for another life. So, harming herself would only harm her child. Clayton cured her. Some people might argue that pregnancies ruin plans and destroy futures. But Jen's first child saved her and made her more responsible and caring.
In a particular situation like an unplanned pregnancy, family support is extremely important. In the book, Single Parent Families, by Kriss Kissman and Jo Ann Allen, it is stated that without family support, a young, single parent is "vulnerable to failure." In the entire study on a single parenting, one can probably conclude that this is true. A young mother is a different scenario than one that includes and older, more stable one. The Sewalls have helped out tremendously with Clayton and Chloe. Jen told me, "I couldn't have done it without them."
Jeff, Teri, and Craig help Jen raise the kids. When Jeff is not working and has time to spend with his grandchildren, he coaches Clayton's baseball team. He also drives Chloe to school. Craig spend quality time with Clayton, throwing the baseball around and playing games. He plays with Chloe and babysits while Jen is out or at work. Teri and Jen raised Clayton early on, pretty much by themselves. Craig was younger then and Jeff was working more. So, the two girls' schedules revolved around raising Clayton. Whether with family support or without, with both a mom and a dad or not, all single parents can learn from the hard work and compassion that Craig, Jeff, and Teri gave Jen in the early years of Clayton's and Chloe's lives.
It might be true that children need some kind of male influence in their lives. Many people say that having both a mother and a father is vital in how a child grows up. In his essay, It Takes a Family: Conservatism and the Common Good, Rick Santorum stresses the idea that families can only succeed if they have both a mother and a father. "It is and open and shut case: the best place for kids to grow up is with a happily married mom and dad, " he reasons. "And the more of these families there are in a community, the better it is for everyone." This is just one man's opinion on what families "should" be. According to an article entitled "The Benefits of Living in a Single Parent Family", by Anne Parron, conflict-ridden homes have been shown through research to be the worst living situation for kids. "If the prior two-parent living environment included ongoing conflict, a change to living with only one parent can have a positive effect on the kids such as gradual lessening of anxiety." This article is an obvious rebuttal to the previous essay, but it shows how every theory can have a counterargument. More importantly, this article shows that there are many benefits of single parent families.
Parron continues to describe her views and observations and states, "Kids learn about relationships from observing the adults around them. It is often better for children to see no relationship model when the parents stay together." This particular explanation correlates directly to part of what Jen and I discussed. I asked her if she and Clayton's father had stayed together, would it have been easier to raise the baby? She told me that she was afraid of staying with him for a number of reasons. For example, she was afraid that they would be together under the wrong circumstances. She thought that her age and her own selfishness contributed to not staying together. She feared that staying together would hinder the upbringing of her child.
There are a few options that many women consider after they realize they are pregnant. One controversial issue and option is abortion. Many people argue that a woman should have the right to choose whether she keeps the baby or chooses to abort. There are several things to consider before having an abortion, and there are a lot of arguments that support it. I asked Jen if she considered this particular alternative. She told me that abortion was out of the question. "Life was meant to be," she said. Particular situations contradict this idea, but planned or unplanned, life is meant to be.
Another option on how to handle an unplanned pregnancy is adoption. This is the best alternative to abortion. If a mother simply cannot raise a child, she should consider giving it up for adoption. Of course I can't comprehend the magnitude of that decision, but I am adopted, and my personal views on adoption are extremely positive and joyful. I cannot help but think that my biological mother considered her other options. I'm extremely glad I am here. I know a few other people who might agree.
Speaking with Jen, I learned a great deal about single parenting. And I have never enjoyed the process of writing an essay like I had writing this one. Any type of family can work, even one that has only a mom or a dad. It is time for our society to detach itself from its negative views on single-parent families. We need to realize that love and compassion are what really matter in raising children.. We need to have have faith that single mothers or fathers can accomplish everything that a married couple can. It is harder, of course, but Jennifer Sewall is the greatest example of how it can be done, and it is working.
Monday, June 16, 2008
a trumpet?
Chloe and i were outside playing in the kiddie pool and along came a bee...
"Mommy, Mommy, a bee!" Chloe screamed out.
"It's okay, honey," I reassured her. "Its just a bee."
"Mommy, is it a trumpet?" Chloe asked.
A trumpet? I thought to myself... "OH, you mean a hornet?" I confirmed.
"Yeah, that one."
he he he... don't kids say the cutest things sometimes?
"Mommy, Mommy, a bee!" Chloe screamed out.
"It's okay, honey," I reassured her. "Its just a bee."
"Mommy, is it a trumpet?" Chloe asked.
A trumpet? I thought to myself... "OH, you mean a hornet?" I confirmed.
"Yeah, that one."
he he he... don't kids say the cutest things sometimes?
Friday, June 13, 2008
our last week of school
no more school!! i feel like I'm more excited about the fact that i don't have to go to school than Clay is. ha ha ha! no more yard-dutying for this mama... now its time for summer!
Clay performed in his class play this week. he was an Iroquois (notice the Indians hat?) ha ha! He had one line: "Of course I'm upset! Look what these European fools are doing." It was awesome.
there's my little Indian
she was very proud of her "Bubba"
random, i know... but definitely picture-worthy. U KNOW!!!!
this night was awesome... out on the ranch on a hot summer night. I hope to have lots more nights like these : )
Clay found a lizard
a girl and her goat
YES!!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
extreme makeover: cupcake edition
i have no idea why my cupcakes turned out retarded... they were all disformed and weird...
so i had a little fun
and did sort of an "extreme makover" with them...
before:
after:
ha ha ha ha
: )
: )
catchin critters
the kids and i went out to sycamore grove. we brought nets and jars and caught tons of little creatures... pollywogs, tiny fish, lizards, and a little crab-thing that wanted to "eat chloe." ha ha ha. it was rad!
i love that place!
i love that place!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
this article is awesome!!
i found a great article in the paper today. it was all about visiting Alaska and, more specifically, visiting the Kenia peninsula which is exactly where Clay's grandparents live!! The article talks about Soldotna... which is the town they live in, and about Homer... which is where we go halibut fishing. I just thought it was a great coincidence that someone from our local newspaper went there and wrote about how truly amazing the place its. Alaska is my second home and I give major kudos to the author of the article.. yay Alaska!!
click here to read it
click here to read it
Saturday, June 7, 2008
it was a sad morning today
he calls about once every couple of months. he lives in Finland. he doesn't write or send them anything. he doesn't help to support them financially. he's my ex-husband and Chloe's father. he just happen to call this morning and Chloe talked to him. she put the phone on speaker (which was seriously not my idea), and i caught parts of their conversation...
not all of the conversation was upsetting: Chloe told him how we built a pond for our turtle, Jack; and she informed her daddy that Swisher got traded to the white sox and doesn't play for the A's anymore (which was devastating news here at our house); and other important news according to our almost 5-year old daughter.
But then Chloe started to ask him why she "can't see him" and "when can he come over to play?" he tried to explain to her that he doesn't live here and he's "working" in Finland right now. Then Chloe said something to him that broke my heart. still unable to understand why her father is absent in her life, she said, "Why don't you live in my world, daddy?"
i wanted to grab her and hug her and tell her how much everyone loves her... but i didn't. i let him continue to try to explain his "situation" to her. he promised that he would come and see her this summer. but he's made those promises before... when Chloe got done talking with her dad she hung up the phone and said to me, "I really miss my daddy."
and this happens every time he calls... it seems like a cycle, really: Chloe doesn't usually talk about her dad or say she misses him- but whenever he calls she gets really upset : (
Clay didn't talk to him at all on the phone. I asked him if he wanted to and he just said, "no." He knows that my ex is not his biological father but was still raised by him for 3 years of his life.
I'm just not quite sure what I should do about the whole situation... Do I continue to encourage Chloe's father to be a part of her life? He is such a small part of her life as it is and seems to just upset her when he does contact her... OR do I ask him to please stop calling every couple of months? I could continue to send him pictures and updates on the kids?... I don't know. I'm trying to be the best mom I can possibly be and I just don't know what to do about this.
not all of the conversation was upsetting: Chloe told him how we built a pond for our turtle, Jack; and she informed her daddy that Swisher got traded to the white sox and doesn't play for the A's anymore (which was devastating news here at our house); and other important news according to our almost 5-year old daughter.
But then Chloe started to ask him why she "can't see him" and "when can he come over to play?" he tried to explain to her that he doesn't live here and he's "working" in Finland right now. Then Chloe said something to him that broke my heart. still unable to understand why her father is absent in her life, she said, "Why don't you live in my world, daddy?"
i wanted to grab her and hug her and tell her how much everyone loves her... but i didn't. i let him continue to try to explain his "situation" to her. he promised that he would come and see her this summer. but he's made those promises before... when Chloe got done talking with her dad she hung up the phone and said to me, "I really miss my daddy."
and this happens every time he calls... it seems like a cycle, really: Chloe doesn't usually talk about her dad or say she misses him- but whenever he calls she gets really upset : (
Clay didn't talk to him at all on the phone. I asked him if he wanted to and he just said, "no." He knows that my ex is not his biological father but was still raised by him for 3 years of his life.
I'm just not quite sure what I should do about the whole situation... Do I continue to encourage Chloe's father to be a part of her life? He is such a small part of her life as it is and seems to just upset her when he does contact her... OR do I ask him to please stop calling every couple of months? I could continue to send him pictures and updates on the kids?... I don't know. I'm trying to be the best mom I can possibly be and I just don't know what to do about this.
Friday, June 6, 2008
windows
what is it with people and their car windows...?
today i was sitting at a stop light and i looked around at the cars beside me... now, its a pretty warm day out and it gets stuffy in the car so it was definitely one of those days when you either have your windows open or you have the A/C on in your car. anyways, as i was sitting there i saw quite a variety of people and their "windows".
there was an old-timer next to me with his windows rolled all the way down and his arm hanging over the side. he had a relatively old car but i think he might have had A/C... he just chose not to use it. either way, this old man was enjoying the nice breeze that the wind was providing as a means to keep cool...
then there was an obvious mom from the valley. a "soccer mom", if you will. she even had a "proud parent of an honor roll student" bumper sticker ordained on the back of her black escalade. i could see some kids in the backseat and kids are ALWAYS hot so i assume she had the A/C blasting. maybe she can afford all the gas it must cost her to fill her tank and thats why she was wasting the gas by using the A/C... who knows?
i looked over to see another car with a "generic male" as the driver. he was driving a civic with the back windows down but the front ones up. hmm... obviously he likes his air from behind. that, in itself, told me enough about that guy. ha ha ha. . kidding. just kidding : )
as for me? well, anyone who has ridden in my car knows that the A/C tends to malfunction and blow out super hot air rather than cold. seriously, on really hot days when i have to use it, I have to beat the shit outta the thing to get it to work! so... i like to keep 3 windows down while i'm out driving around and i need a little cooling off. why don't i have all 4 rolled down? well... cause the 4th one is busted and i'm not too handy at fixin cars.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
mini indy!!
chloe's last day of school was celebrated with the traditional "mini indy" put on by the staff of gingerbread preschool. the kids got to bring their bikes, pick out a racing number, decorate their ride, and race thru an awesome course!! it was really fun and i was WAY impressed by the whole thing.. kudos to the wonderful staff of gingerbread... i know at least 3 little kiddos that had an awesome time!!!
after the race we enjoyed some nachos and sno cones with our buddies
showin off her "winning" ribbon : )
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)